Women Empowerment: Hello or Hollow in the 21st century?

Talk about women’s empowerment in 21st century is shameless: Shoojit Sircar

Last night, I was having an argument with a friend of mine about equality between men and women.

“This is a patriarchal society. Men always dominate over women. Women are considered to be a weaker section of the society, who continuously have to face discrimination on the basis of gender, color and body structure. There is no equality- be it in job wages or distributing household work.”

“There is a difference between fairness and equality”, he said. “You feminists mix everything up. “

“Can you define both the terms for me?” I asked.

“Fairness is when we do not discriminate between people. We give them what they deserve. Equality is when we start treating both the parties uniformly.”

“I think it is high time that we are given what we deserve. Women around the world are still fighting for basic rights, i.e. human rights. Why can’t we enjoy the same laws that are for men? Why everything must be rewritten for women?”

“Look”, he continued, “You just want rights without responsibilities. I’ll give you an example. You want to enter temples that forbid women. You only think about your right. What about the faith of the thousands of devotees that is being compromised for the sake of your stubbornness? Is this fair for the devotees? Is this equality? Is this feminism? To try and become men? Honestly speaking, if men would behave like you girls then how would this world be?”

Isn’t it sad that a temple that denies women entry actually makes more headlines and has a faster speed of judgment than a rape case? And, it has always been like this: cows are more important than women in India.

A poor woman cannot take a microfinance loan if she is a widow or is unmarried. If she is married, she has to have her husband as her nominee and if she is a widow, her son would be her nominee. Unmarried women can have their unmarried brothers as nominee. Here’s the irony: microfinance in India started with the sole purpose of uplifting poor women. And I believe that a woman without an income source and a life partner is the most vulnerable in the society.

“I am sorry to say this, but take another example. Feminists always complain about glass ceiling at workplaces. But studies show that after 35, most of the women tend to either leave the organisation or decide to slow down in their career paths because they focus more on their families than their jobs. Women, though, are good at multitasking, lack negotiation skills.

They tend to be more agreeable than men are. Men tend to be more aggressive and egoistic and hence can sign off a deal better.”

Needless to say, feminism has hurt the pride of men more often than unemployment has. Men love to be dominant. I have seen endless jokes on how men are afraid of their wives and how wives take decisions for the family. Do they?

I could not argue with him that night. That night, I felt as if I have been silenced forever. This is 2020 and I live in a Tier 2 city. I am an ardent blogger who writes extensively on women. Why are we still discussing about this?

Maybe, he has got a point. Throughout history, women have been portrayed as weaklings, not because others have forced that notion onto them, but as they have felt the same. I have seen girls in mechanical engineering workshops acting like fragile pieces of glass, diverting their work to guys. I have seen mothers telling daughters not to take up sports as they might hurt themselves or get dark by running around in the sun. I have also seen a lot of housewives putting up all the chores that would require them to go out onto their husbands. Knowingly or unknowingly, we have crept into an orthodox mindset that crushes our ambitions before they take roots.

The ongoing patriarchy since generations has created a vacuum for a well balanced society, where currently women are being given reservations and opportunities, at the cost of the prospects for the general public, specifically men. Today, the general average male without an EWS status is the most unfortunate candidate in competitive examinations. Why? Because he has his seats given away as uplifting opportunities to the “lesser mortals”.

After this entire discussion, though I realised that though fairness is a very important criteria for women empowerment in its own merit, equality is a necessity as it would further push them to grow in their lives. A girl child needs to be treated the same way as a male child is. Let them play together with cars and dolls. Let’s not celebrate women’s day more vividly than fathers’ day. Let a man’s success story be an inspiration for a small girl somewhere, if there is no lady around to guide her.

THIS IS *IT*

“Sir, I am planning to go home this June. I have booked the flight tickets. Kindly grant my leave. It is only for 5 days, my father stays abroad and he’s coming home, and……….”

“But you are new to this project. And you test data prep count is so low.”

“Sir, I’d be able to enhance my efficiency if I get a training session.”

“You are not trying to learn. When other juniors can write queries, then why can’t you? Just think about it. I don’t know anything. If you need to extend, then extend. If you need to have working weekends, then let it be. This is not a training program. You are here on your own, you have to learn it on your own.”

“And I am sorry about your monetary loss but please reschedule your vacation if possible. The project needs you at this moment.”

I wake up with a start. It was already 7.15 a.m and I must catch my bus by 8.

I gaze at the ceiling, calm and white. I stare at it for some time, thinking about my hereabouts in life.

I think about my grandparents, old and lost. Lost to the cold hands of time and death.

I might not say this, but I miss my grandparents. Last Sunday I was at the movie theatre and there was this old man in a white dhoti and kurta walking in front of me, being guided by his little granddaughter. For a moment, I felt like grabbing that man from behind and giving him a big hug. I had this huge temptation, but I decided against the heinous action.

I might get slapped in public for harassing poor old men, I thought. Hey, but one day I’d also get old!

The mere thought of being in my 40s shuddered me.

Imagine me, a 40-year-old single woman with greying hair and a bulging tummy, a wrinkled face and a lonely heart.

Then my thoughts rush towards my parents, about how hardworking they are, how much effort they still put on me so that I can become a successful human being (if ever I am considered as a human). My mother’s face dazzles in front of my eyes. How beautiful she is. There is sweetness even in her anger. There is her pride even in my failure. The image of cooked fish tickles my taste buds and I fall in love with my mom all over again.

My eyes mist. I want a big hug. But I’m 1600 kms away from her, trying to eke out a living in another city.

I still remember the day when I had been to the Office of the Engineers Association at my place. I had my medical counselling scheduled there. It was a long queue and I got a seat in a private medical college. I had my own swag back then. My sensible brain always decided to listen to tons of shitty advices that my surroundings had to belch on my head, and I’d gracefully gulp it all down.

“There is no career if you graduate from a private college. They aren’t doctors, they are quacks! They don’t know anything! Drop a year, and go for a government college!”

Now when I see my friends doing practicals and posting their statuses proudly on Facebook on cadavers and dentures, I feel defeated. I feel cheated by my own soul. I try to run away, but this is, my friend, the love for Biology, that outlasts you even though you try to outrun it.

I wish I had put my head to some better use apart from banging it on walls!

I take my bath in a haste. My hair is unkempt, and my skin dry. I put on my Kurta and rush to the bus stop.

Life at office can be interesting, if you view it that way.

One day, I merrily announced to my girlfriends that I wanted to visit the local zoo. One of them said, “You go to the zoo every day and see so many unique and creepy creatures. Isn’t that enough for you?”

Well, what do they say? Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

I walk towards my seat with a heavy heart and an empty stomach. Migration requests, Bugs, status and security mails. I quickly go through all of them and unread Skype messages, if any. There is this extensive list of Test Case IDs waiting for their Employees, so I pick up the not-so-fortunate ones and start working on them.

I open my SQL Database and lo behold! As usual the system is slow, the workload huge and the time short. I roll my eyes in disgust.

Fast forward one hour. The screen is proudly showing off its flaws, and I am here, trying to comprehend the issue with my limited, disinterested intellect.

“Employer Class Coverage not found”

“Invalid identifier, Error at line 31, column 12”

What the hell is this!

I never shy away from asking help, and so I frantically text and call up everyone on my favourites list of “Skype for Business”. Their response to my distress call is equally chaotic, but anyways, this is corporate life and we manage with whatever we have. We are great managers, I must say, because we work around a puddle even though we need an ocean.

I try my best to resolve the issues, but sometimes, things don’t fall in the right places. They just dance and jump around the screen, and mostly give me headaches and occasionally, heartaches.

Once again, a tear trickles down my face, but here I am not alone, there is this crowd of developers and testers, furiously banging at their keyboards, their eyes glued to the screens, their right hands at the mouse. No one knows what’s going on, yet everyone has this great spasm of dedication plastered to their faces, waiting for the second last working day of the month.

No one seems to notice. I quickly wipe it off.

Happiness can be found in the darkest of the places, only if you remember to switch on the light. These fireflies are known as friends. These beautiful, yet demonic angels share tablespace with me for lunch every afternoon. We never miss a session and are always updated on the latest jokes and gossips. Ah, what a life 😀

I have this common Indian fantasy of a handsome guy bumping into me and then I, looking at him. There’d be romantic music in the background, with a gentle breeze that would scatter my hairs all over the place, and I’d gracefully tuck them to the back of my ear, my silver dangling earring stuck firmly to it.

I’d kill him with my smile.

The guy would look at me, his mouth open. He’s smile back sheepishly too.

Hundredss of employees and 385 days have passed but this scenario has never ever happened to me.

The clock strikes 6.30 p.m. and I am done for the day. But then my senior tells me to sit down and finish the work.

“We need to submit this by EOD.”

“But it’s already 6.30, I’ll miss my bus.”

I look back at the clock. It is 9.30 p.m. already, and my tummy is growling with hunger. I look forlorn and depressed.

My senior looks back at me. She is a beautiful woman with a pale face and a thin body, her eyes red from all the efforts on the work. A highly dedicated employee. Extends her shift almost every day without expecting any extra perks and never asks for a leave despite of illness.

“Do you know coding?”

I tell her the story of my campus placement. The Cognizant story. This interviewer started on a great note, asking me questions on friction and kinetics. Then he came straight to the point.

“Can you write a program on how to remove all vowels from a string?”

“Sorry Sir, I can’t write programs.”

“Okay then. Thank you very much!”

I ended my story with an air of superiority. “I am from the Mechanical department. We used to bunk our programming classes.”

“Oh, then you know, you should think of another profession. You won’t survive in this industry if you don’t like coding.”

I come back home, tired and confused. I don’t know what is going on.

I close my eyes and count my days to see the oblivion.

EOD.

THE DYING ARTISTS

This article got published in my school magazine, Abhaas, the annual school magazine of D.A.V. Public School, KalingaNagar, Bhubaneswar.

 

To every parent who was a child once upon a time and to every child who is still a dreamer.

Every morning, while I cross the pavement to go to the bus stop, I see students waiting for their vehicles; the little ones, being accompanied by their parents.

A small trickle comes down my cheeks.

How I wish I could go back to my school again!

Like a clay slowly getting moulded, I have seen myself growing over the years through the very corridors of this institution. I have been shaped and reshaped by my teachers, the torch bearers of my alma matter. My ears are still sensitive to the sweetness of the period bells; while my nasal passage has the potential to jump with excitement to the aroma wafting out of the school canteen! My childhood was awesome.

But there is just one thing that I’d like to complain about; which most of the adults would shoo away, thinking that this is just a way to shy away from homework and responsibilities:

A career choice apart from Engineering and Medicine!

What a blasphemous suggestion! they might say.

It makes me sad to disclose that we Indians treat Arts students with more contempt than we treat any wrongdoer.

When we are tiny tots, we are given crayons and paper, and are free to draw anything we like. But as we slowly grow up, our color pencils are replaced with lead pencils, that only help us with arithmetic and spellings. Worse still, our pencils are taken away so that our bonded hands can grow accustomed to pens, that never allow us to edit a written word. Slowly, we are taught to make less mistakes and become more responsible. But I remember a quote from ‘The Spiderman’:

“With great power, comes great responsibility.”

How can we be expected to become more responsible if we are never allowed to explore the paths we like? How can we be expected to excel in swimming when our hearts are flying in the skies? Is it always possible to learn from others’ mistakes while we are never allowed to do anything of our own?  Aren’t successful experiments supposed to be revamps of mistakes as well? How many times have we read in our Science textbooks that Penicillin had been discovered accidentally? Didn’t it take a thousand attempts for Edison to make the perfect light bulb?

I feel sad to see students burdened, not with the competition that the Indian population gladly provides, but with the pressure of parents, peers and of course, the society. *Since everyone after 10th takes up Science, let me take it up as well. Since Engineering is the ”in thing” to be done, my son should prepare for IIT-JEE. *(Spoiler alert: if you don’t get through JEE, your whole life is ruined. Doubt me? Go watch ”3 Idiots”!)

After graduation and a placement with an IT company, I thought that my troubles were over. My parents and teachers were proud of me. I was young and financially independent, I thought so, till one day I came across the Facebook profiles of some of the alumnus of our school. They had decided to take on the paths that seemed atrocious to the common man.

One of my batch mates decided to go with Journalism, and today he is a writer for the Orissa Post.

Another classmate of mine dropped a year for pursuing medicine but sadly could not get through the entrance examination. Not being disheartened, he chose to graduate in Biotechnology and now is a prestigious research scholar of the Khorana Program with the California University.

A friend, who was particularly weak in Science and Math, decided to study Law. Today she is pursuing her post graduation from the National Law University, Odisha.

A junior, who excelled in singing, has now even started his own YouTube channel for his fans. He manages his studies but his love for singing has never taken a backseat.

The most illustrious example would that of be a schoolmate 2 years junior to me. She loved anchoring since childhood, and had featured in many TV shows. Determined, she realised that the world of glamour was her calling, and today she is one of the most sought after models and anchors of our state.

I was dumbstruck and taken aback. I felt sorry for myself, I felt pity. My so called perfect world came down crashing in front of me in seconds, and I have not been able to recover from the trauma ever since. I felt like my whole life has been a lie, and I seem to live on the leftovers that the dramatic two faced civilisation has got used to throw at me now. I felt like burning my mark sheets that seemed to have chained my limbs to a scale that measured success with respect to the financial growth of an individual.

 

I thought about the last time I took out some hours from my rote schedule to pen down a few words. To my dismay, I realised that more than a year had passed and I hadn’t touched my papers and ink. I used to be a part of the school choir group, but I had never taken formal classes. Now I sound like a Mynah with a sore throat. I loved reading, but I had finished my last novel way back in 2016 and teaching was something I couldn’t think of now. I still remember how I had got a call from a private medical college, and since it is the general notion that government colleges are the best, I decided to cross out that option and move on with a B.Tech. I chose Engineering, and I compromised with my life. I spend many nights thinking how my life would have been if I would haven’t paid any heed to what people had said on those days and just gone forward with my dream. Sorry Robert Frost, sorry CBSE, despite of your poem in our English curriculum, The Road not Taken, my fears took over my head and made me succumb to the insecurities of some random people whose opinions were actually baseless and don’t even matter anymore.

I wish I could go back now and revive my spirituality, my dreams, my aspirations. It was solely my mistake to be blinded with the star gaze that a so called successful career provides. But mind you, my dear friends, that money can buy everything except happiness, and true happiness comes only from the people who love you back and the passions that ignite your heart. I hope that starting from today, each and every one of us shall make an effort to set aside at least a couple of hours for a  favourite constructive hobby like swimming, gardening or dancing and try to make an effort towards that sector so that we won’t repent later.

Education is not about scoring a perfect ninety five, it is about being aware of the choices one can make to ensure a fulfilling life, to help us identify our strengths and weaknesses,  to hold on to the dreams that are ours and only ours, and to explore our hidden potential that can reward us with satisfaction and peace. Learn to protect your dreams, for they hold a shine so bright, even brighter than pearls and diamonds, that people tend to steal them.

I hope my simple yet sincere voice would reach out to the depths of your young minds and fragile hearts. Let’s make our school famous not only for academics but also for our artistic creations!

Let’s celebrate life, we have only one of it.

All the best for all your upcoming exams. Never neglect your studies!

Thanks and Regards

Debashrita