From many days I was searching it, in school, at home and in my coaching class. I wasn’t getting it.. I was getting mad! From where could I get it? Where was it? It had to be somewhere.
I got it finally. But it is incomplete, torn and dusty. I bother to look at it, but still feel to hide it somewhere again, away from the eyes of curious bystanders. No, it’s not my Practical notebook.
It’s my SMILE.
From the day I’ve entered Class 11 I’ve been feeling that something’s terribly wrong with me. So much that I’ve been calling myself NERVOUS BREAKDOWN PERSON IN A MENTAL ASYLUM lately. Surely I’m not that mad! I should have been happy by seeing my old classmates, but rather I’m feeling cold and rusted from within. I want to break the chains and run away, to a dark, dark place, where no one can ever find me. ‘Remaining in solace is the best way’, I felt.
But that was not the solution. I remained in dire silence. My silence at first silenced me, but that was not the question. Everyday some incident or the other happens with me, but still I don’t get used to it. I’m just like a small herb. With one blow, my work is done. I was constantly getting mad at my friends in the first weeks of my classes, but not now. I’ve learnt to respect everyone’s voices, though they maynot even care to look at me. I’ve learnt to help everyone, as I’ve always done, though they may not have one moment of their lives to think about me. Well, who bothers about me?
Here I always forget the perfect answer……….my family. They are always present for me. I may be troublesome, but they love me. That’s what one needs actually.
Again the question comes………why then I’m not able to remain happy?
And then I got the answer just yesterday………..Here it goes…….
I was searching for a bit of peace and sanctity all these days. I exactly don’t know what they mean, but they must be meaning something meaningful and so I thought that their absence was the cause of my sorrow. There’s a lot of trouble at home and my Half yearly exams are ahead. Guess my situation??????
In a whole crowd of people you still feel awkward and lonely if you miss the person you want to be with. Same here. Every time I miss some one or the other and go on thinking and analysing how my life could have been……if all my friends hadn’t reacted to me in this way, this and that: in short, DAYDREAMING. That’s the only thing that gives me happiness, and I smile and laugh like a hyena when my mother smiles and my sister sings and dances with me. I’ve lost my School Captain tie, and I’m feeling powerless without it. I’ve got rotten with lots of mental deformities like inferiority complex and stark depression. I don’t know what to do. Counsellings seem to have no effect on me.
So I’ve let you know about me……and I hope none of you are facing troubles like me. Please say me the real path of happiness and success.
Bye, I’ve to go……..I’ve to search it again………….